Harry Potter and MERLIN’S PANTS

Harry Potter and MERLIN’S PANTS

 

Just a disclaimer to say that while the views below are my own, J.K. Rowling has been my writing guru since I was six, and I’m sure that Jack Thorne and John Tiffany are wonderful human beings. I mean them no disrespect in any way, no matter how vehemently I dislike this iteration of their work. No bitterness toward the people; only the thing. Capisci?

So.

The spoilers were true.

I’m not entirely sure what to say about that, but I will attempt some sort of effort. For Craig Bowker’s sake, you see.

(That was a joke. I don’t give a fig about Craig Bowker. And what kind of a name is Craig Bowker? The name of a Bachelor contestant, that’s what. The kind with badly-placed facial hair and sunglasses surgically fused to his face, and not for sun sensitivity reasons. Certainly not a Jo Row name. Where’s the Latin? Where, I beg you, is the Latin?!)

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The Current Status of Every Important Harry Potter Ship

The Current Status of Every Important Harry Potter Ship

If Harry Potter and the Cursed Child is “the eighth story: nineteen years later”, it’s only ever going to be one eighth of a story. The fact of the matter is, there are a lot of people’s futures that are never going to be answered for, and this is only partly because of the fact that some of those people are canonically dead. While we’ll certainly get to hear lots about Albus and Scorpius, I have a strong feeling that many of the characters we’ve come to love are going to be shunted to the background (particularly, as mentioned, the dead ones).

However! Do not fear! The important thing is that, in the hive mind of the Harry Potter fandom, characters like Sirius Black, Remus Lupin, Nymphadora Tonks, and poor dead Hedwig are alive and well (and living happily in Hogsmeade with three small daughters, in the case of the middle two. Or the first two. Not the last two.) So I have decided to take a leaf out of Professor Trelawney’s tea and determine the future of everyone’s favorite Harry Potter couples. Please enjoy.

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